Justified or Just Crazy

Justified or Just Crazy

I sure go big or go home.  No in between, no shades of grey…maybe I’ll work on that, honestly probably not.

Wow, women can be stupid and desperate when it comes to “men” and why?  Not to get the feminists all fired up, but God we can be dumb as hell.  I just threw a fit, spent hundreds of dollars, and had a man with no car, no job, and no money- call the police to get me away from HIM.  I’m not dumb.  I’m college educated, but I acted ridiculous trying to force some loser to love me- deep down I knew he was a loser.  I was determined he wasn’t going to ignore me and he didn’t.  He called the police first and then he ignored me, blocked my number, and blocked me from all social media.  I’m still sad and heartbroken, I’m humiliated and i know I’m better than him.  Not that my actions showed that or that he ever appreciated it.  Maybe in a way I was using him in a different way than he was using me.

At what point are actions justified and at what point are they just crazy?  At what point is someone allowed to hurt you so bad without any consequences?  If someone hits you in the face and you scream because you got physically hurt that person would likely be tried in a court of law.  Why when someone hurts you emotionally and you lash out are there no consequences?

The best thing to do, of course is know that you are worth more and move on- what you should have known to begin with.  Yet here I am sad over being rejected by someone who wasn’t ever worth my time and all I want to do is fix it.  Then I think, if he did call and beg for forgiveness (he won’t) would I really be able to get over the hurt and humiliation?  No, but I sure keep waiting for that phone to ring.  It’s weak and I’m tired of being weak.

I would do anything to rewind the events of last week that lead to what seems like a nightmare.  A grown ass “man” who can’t go anywhere without putting on a Fedora every single time he leaves the house and was a little socially awkward has acted like I was a burden and a bother and I allowed him to make me act pathetic?  Bullshit.

I’m going to make a vow that I hope the ladies reading this will make with me.  Let’s date men with cars!  Men with Jobs!  Men that can buy their own beer!  Let’s enjoy our own company.  Lets not lay in bed dipping things in ranch dressing because we got dumped by someone who is so delusional about his own talent he thinks he will never have to get a real job.  This is Nashville dummy, there’s a thousand of you’s there’s only one of me.

I know I acted crazy from the start of this- so save the comments about getting what I deserve for being a crazy bitch.  I did the opposite of the Obama’s… he went low, I went lower.  Remember this though, no woman ever woke up and thought “Today I want to mess my relationship up and act batshit crazy for no reason.”  That doesn’t justify my behavior, but my behavior definitely justified my consequences.  It would have been nice to leave this relationship ( and I would have left eventually) with some self respect, but I threw that right out the window.  Maybe self respect is over rated because at the time it felt good to let it fly, unfortunately my behavior showed him he was right in thinking I was crazy.  Never again- lesson learned the hard way.




My Brand is Me

This is my second blog post and I have been reading advice on how to write a successful blog.  Most of the advice says that you should “promote your brand.”  Right now I don’t have a brand.  

I don’t make anything and I don’t sell anything, I just write, or hope to.  I want to write about my opinions and feelings and things that I hope other people can relate to.  I have a 9-5 job.  I’m not an expert on anything- maybe crazy people, I do have a psychology degree.  

I just lost an extremely expensive shoe at a rap concert, made out with a former co worker at that rap concert- the evening was looking up until we got separated during the mosh pit/aggressive/scary dance fight that broke out, I just messed up my love life royally- this had nothing to do with making out with my former co worker, I messed that up before, actually it took two to mess that up so I won’t take total credit for that- and I just had a man that I had messaged 3 times on an online app invite me over for sex.  I didn’t accept the invitation for those of you wondering.  I also did give the former co worker my phone number and have yet to hear from him, if you are wondering that too.  This has all happened within the last four days.  The last four years would really blow your mind.

The advice for good blogs say to write about what you are passionate about.  I’m passionate about writing and I’m passionate about laughing and I have done little of both lately.  If I had spent the time I spent during the last four years, hell the last four months, focusing on myself instead of other people, I could rule the world- or maybe my part of it.

I have to go to work and smile in a couple of hours.  It is 80’s day, thank God I have a “Dirty Dancing” t-shirt that my mother got me when she went to see the musical,  See I’m fun, I’m going to be festive, even though I really feel like staying home in my pajamas with my dogs and watching all 35 seasons of “Grey’s Anatomy.”  Damn fine show and a great show to watch alone while you wear your pajamas and cry with your dogs.  I will say that the dogs become hurtfully unsympathetic during about the 5th or 6th season, right when I need them most.  They just leave me lying there sobbing while I watch George and Denny die.  I once saw a service dog on Oprah who was supposed to alert when his master was having a seizure.  They placed video cameras in the house and eventually the lady did have a seizure.  This was back when people had home phones with hand receivers.  Not only did that dog nudge the hand receiver off of the phone with his nose, not only did that dog dial 911 with his paw, but when the operator answered, that dog said, “Woof.”  After seeing that, my dogs abandoning me during the episode where George dies is particularly hurtful.

After all this rambling, I am going to do what adults do.  I am going to put on my “Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner” sweatshirt, some pink glitter eye shadow, and turn on the Oprah Winfrey Network before I leave for work so that hopefully these ungrateful dogs will learn a thing or two before I get back home.  That’s my brand today!