Justified or Just Crazy

Justified or Just Crazy

I sure go big or go home.  No in between, no shades of grey…maybe I’ll work on that, honestly probably not.

Wow, women can be stupid and desperate when it comes to “men” and why?  Not to get the feminists all fired up, but God we can be dumb as hell.  I just threw a fit, spent hundreds of dollars, and had a man with no car, no job, and no money- call the police to get me away from HIM.  I’m not dumb.  I’m college educated, but I acted ridiculous trying to force some loser to love me- deep down I knew he was a loser.  I was determined he wasn’t going to ignore me and he didn’t.  He called the police first and then he ignored me, blocked my number, and blocked me from all social media.  I’m still sad and heartbroken, I’m humiliated and i know I’m better than him.  Not that my actions showed that or that he ever appreciated it.  Maybe in a way I was using him in a different way than he was using me.

At what point are actions justified and at what point are they just crazy?  At what point is someone allowed to hurt you so bad without any consequences?  If someone hits you in the face and you scream because you got physically hurt that person would likely be tried in a court of law.  Why when someone hurts you emotionally and you lash out are there no consequences?

The best thing to do, of course is know that you are worth more and move on- what you should have known to begin with.  Yet here I am sad over being rejected by someone who wasn’t ever worth my time and all I want to do is fix it.  Then I think, if he did call and beg for forgiveness (he won’t) would I really be able to get over the hurt and humiliation?  No, but I sure keep waiting for that phone to ring.  It’s weak and I’m tired of being weak.

I would do anything to rewind the events of last week that lead to what seems like a nightmare.  A grown ass “man” who can’t go anywhere without putting on a Fedora every single time he leaves the house and was a little socially awkward has acted like I was a burden and a bother and I allowed him to make me act pathetic?  Bullshit.

I’m going to make a vow that I hope the ladies reading this will make with me.  Let’s date men with cars!  Men with Jobs!  Men that can buy their own beer!  Let’s enjoy our own company.  Lets not lay in bed dipping things in ranch dressing because we got dumped by someone who is so delusional about his own talent he thinks he will never have to get a real job.  This is Nashville dummy, there’s a thousand of you’s there’s only one of me.

I know I acted crazy from the start of this- so save the comments about getting what I deserve for being a crazy bitch.  I did the opposite of the Obama’s… he went low, I went lower.  Remember this though, no woman ever woke up and thought “Today I want to mess my relationship up and act batshit crazy for no reason.”  That doesn’t justify my behavior, but my behavior definitely justified my consequences.  It would have been nice to leave this relationship ( and I would have left eventually) with some self respect, but I threw that right out the window.  Maybe self respect is over rated because at the time it felt good to let it fly, unfortunately my behavior showed him he was right in thinking I was crazy.  Never again- lesson learned the hard way.